The Unspoken Cost of 'Having It All'

The Unspoken Cost of 'Having It All'

Women have come so far in recent history. We’ve broken down barriers, redefined industries, and built strong foundations for future generations to stand on. But beneath the surface of these accomplishments is a lingering issue that many of us struggle with:

The quest for

 

While we excel in our careers, the expectations tied to family, friendships, and managing home life haven't minimized. Instead, they've shape-shifted, creating a modern pressure cooker that feels just as overwhelming as the old ones.

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Modern women are unintentionally expected to be multi-faceted marvels: an ambitious professional, a devoted partner, an engaged parent, an emotionally available friend, a supportive family member, a fitness fanatic, and an all round well adjusted human. It's exhausting and quite frankly, an impossible ideal. No one can do it all, yet we're still trying.   



The World Health Organization classifies burnout as an "occupational phenomenon," meaning it’s only tied to workplace stress. But for a lot of us, this definition falls short, as burnout doesn't simply stop when we 'clock off'.

Burnout's not just about work; it bleeds into everything we do. It's the mental load of remembering every detail about schedules 🗓️, remembering birthdays 🎂, scheduling doctors appointments 🩺 or knowing when the milk's running low 🥛

It's the emotional energy spent being the glue that holds relationships together. It's the constant pressure to be everything to everyone — to show up at work, be present for our families, stay on top of it all — and still somehow find time to eat well and move our bodies, as if our well-being isn't constantly stretched thin by everything else. 

We attempt to do all of this, but often with little to no support... and it's breaking us 💔.



While we live in an age where technology has given us countless tools to simplify life i.e. remote work, delivery services and smart appliances, we’re somehow busier and more exhausted than ever! 😵


Why???

  
Instead of using our 'saved' time to genuinely rest and replenish ourselves, we feel compelled to fill it with more tasks, more obligations, more 'things' in order to feel more productive.
 

We feel pressure to “make the most” of every minute, so we leverage these 'conveniences' to do more and to optimize our time. But let’s be honest—there’s only so much we can do before we hit breaking point ⚠️. 

The idea that we should be able to juggle an impossible load just because we have modern tools isn't just flawed. It’s a dangerous misconception that perpetuates the cycle of burnout.



Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It sneaks up on us, slowly draining our energy until we barely recognize ourselves. 
  


Some common red flags include:


🪫 Persistent Exhaustion: Feeling like you're running on empty, physically and emotionally, even after sleep. 

🌫️ Brain Fog: Struggling with concentration, memory, decision making or motivation. 

😶 Emotional Detachment: Feeling disconnected, isolated or overwhelmed.

😤 Increased Cynicism/Irritation: Feeling resentful, easily frustrated, more impatient. 

😰 Overwhelm & Anxiety: A persistent sense of dread, worry or feeling like you can't cope.

👤 Social Withdrawal: Avoiding interactions due to lack of energy or feeling drained.

🤕 Physical Symptoms: Frequent headaches, body aches, increased susceptibility to illness or changes in appetite.

If these resonate with you, know that you are not alone and you're not failing. You simply have too much on your plate.
  




The Bigger Picture
 


Hustle culture is glorified — praised as ambition, drive, and success — when in reality, it’s a relentless grind that demands everything from us while getting very little back. We’re encouraged to internalize the struggle, to keep up appearances, to prove we can handle it and be seen as 'capable'.


But let's stop for a moment and ask ourselves:

Why do we feel the need to prove that we can handle an impossible load?


Furthermore:

Who benefits from us running ourselves into the ground?

Somewhere along the way, we internalized the toxic idea that our worth is directly proportional to how much we do. We bought into the idea that if we’re not excelling at everything, we’re failing.  



How do we change this narrative and prioritize our well-being? Changing this deeply ingrained pattern requires small, intentional shifts in how we approach our lives, and the expectations we set for ourselves.

Here's how I think we can start shifting the narrative:
 

1. Re-frame Our Perspective 🧠

We can approach our responsibilities with dread, but what if we try shifting our view of these tasks? Instead of seeing work as a burden, we can recognize its role in providing us with independence. Instead of feeling frustrated about chores, we can re-frame them as acts of care for ourselves and those we love.  

Flipping the narrative doesn’t eliminate stress, but it can lessen the emotional weight we attach to obligations.  

2. The Power of "No" ❌

We need to stop feeling guilty about saying no. Saying "no" isn't selfish; I actually believe it's essential for our survival! Whether it's declining extra commitments (work and social) or delegating tasks, setting boundaries is necessary for our mental and physical health. At the end of the day, a clear boundary respected is healthier than growing resentment. 

3. Prioritize Rest & Self-Care 🛌 

Rest is not a reward; it’s a necessity – a fundamental human need. Taking time to recharge, whether it's through a hobby, meditation, exercise, reading or the simple act of doing nothing, allows us to show up better in all areas of life. Make it intentional, even if it's just for short periods.
 

4. Let Go of Perfectionism & Embrace "Good Enough" ☮️

We don't have to be the best at everything. Let's give ourselves permission to lower unrealistic expectations! A less than spotless house, a delayed email response, a simplified meal (or take-away) isn't a failure. It's life! Being good enough is enough.  

5. Ask For & Accept Help 🫂

We were never meant to do it all alone. Accepting help is a sign of strength. It doesn't diminish your capability.




What if success wasn't about how many balls we can juggle at once? 🤹

What if instead, it was about living a life that feels good, sustainable, meaningful, one that allows space to breathe, to rest, to enjoy what we've built, or to simple be?

The first step is awareness and noticing when we’re overextending ourselves. It's understanding that we can't continue giving without replenishing. From there, it's about making small, deliberate changes that honor our needs 🌱.

 

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Burnout isn’t a sign of personal failure. It’s a symptom of a broken system. While we can't change things overnight, we can start reclaiming our power by protecting our time, energy, redefining boundaries and refusing to sacrifice our well-being to try and uphold impossible expectations.

Let’s give ourselves, and each other, permission to stop before we hit breaking point. This won't completely shift overnight, but by consistently prioritizing ourselves little by little, we can create a world where balance is achievable, and burnout is no longer the default 💞 🌈 .